What About The Boy Child?
Messages where
comparison is made between son and daughter don’t sit well with me. At various
platforms, I see, in order to uplift a gender we pull down the other. Why so?
Boys are at the
receiving end of a lot of brick batting. We receive messages/stories sharing
ugly details of how parents are being ill-treated by their sons. They do not
take care of the parents. They abandon them in old age. The messages compare
them to the daughters who are caring and compassionate. While there can be
equal number of cases where the daughter’s might have meted out the same
treatment. It tends to be overlooked because as a society we believe that prime
responsibility of the parents care, in old age, lies with the son. If the
daughter is not able to shoulder this responsibility she can excuse herself by
saying that my in-laws/husband is not supportive. The same is not acceptable
for the son. Not that I am saying that it should be. Only I am trying to put
things in perspective.
Boys are Less Expressive
Both the genders have
their strengths and weaknesses. Females by nature are more expressive while
males tend to take care of things without being obvious. So it doesn't mean that
they care any less.
Expectations from Sons
Expectations from sons
far exceed from that of daughters. By the design of our society sons would care
for their parents and daughters would be married and take care of the new
family as daughter in law. This premise itself is in a flux. We are in a state
of confusion; with fewer children compared to the previous generation we find
it difficult to relinquish our hold (for want of better word) on the daughter.
This way she is divided in her attention/time and energy between two boats. So
whatever she is able to do for her parents is appreciated because by societal
design she never was expected to. However, the role as daughter in law leaves a
lot to be said as sailing two boats was never easy. I am sure some may be
striking a healthy balance; here we are talking of the trend. So, the son and
daughter in law become a package and the unfulfilled expectations remain.
Pampering the Daughter
On one hand I see girl
child being oppressed and lacking opportunities to grow and develop, on the
other I see the affluent class pampering the girls to their detriment. A mother
claiming during discussion for marriage proposal that her daughter does not even
lift a glass of water on her own is revolting. This statement for girl or boy
(any human) is unacceptable. You can get as much help as you want or can
afford; such a thought process is misplaced. I see many young girls and their
parents taking pride in saying that they don’t know how to cook or carry out
household responsibilities. We live in the age where people want to acquire
newer and more skills and in this background taking pride in lacking basic life
skill is not understandable. Aren’t we laying the seeds of frustration and
failure? One does not know where your life will take you and what it will dish
out so these basic skills should be acquired by both girls and boys. With the
trend of double income families it is a collective responsibility to run the
household. In fact married or single it is a basic life skill if not acquired
will sometime or other leave you stranded.
Praising the Boy – is it a sin?
It has almost become a
cardinal sin to praise your son publically because by default it is assumed
that you are down playing your daughter. I see parents continuously justifying
themselves to their daughters and others that they love them as much or probably
more than their son. The daughter also knows how to play the card beautifully.
So in uplifting the girl child we forgot the boy child somewhere along the
journey. I see many families around me where the son is responsive, caring and
shouldering house hold responsibilities along with the parents. While the
daughter is arrogant and forever demanding only of her rights refusing to even
acknowledge her duties.
Awareness of Rights
In the name of women
empowerment and to reverse or stop the atrocities that were done on the girl
child in the past and in many cases that continue even today, laws have become
skewed and one sided. Has the girl child, in this new found awareness of
rights, started misusing the same and now playing multiple cards, first the
perennial victim and then the demanding autocrat? If you look around, the
emotional card starts first, then subtle hints of their rights with the degree
increasing to blatant demand over time. The question again – in empowering the
girl child, are we doing it at the expense of the boy child?
Boys Stay with the Parents
By the design of our
society sons stay with the parents (or are expected to) and daughters get
married and should focus on caring for the new family. That is how transition
will take place and new generation will get a nurturing environment to grow. So
naturally those who stay together, day in and out are bound to experience
little friction and daughters who meet now and then or on phone are likely to
experience a rosier picture. Ultimately, the responsibility of taking care of
parents lies with the son and daughter in law. Any deviations that occur from
this model are bound to create lopsided society and unrealistic expectations.
Off course, I am referring to the basic premise on which almost all societies
across the world have been formed. This can be a never ending debate. To cut it
short, to me the essence lies in loving both daughter and son equally while recognizing
and appreciating their differences and the role each plays in our life. Having
said all this, I know it is not easy to strike an exact balance.
Let’s appreciate and
celebrate parenthood, offering equal opportunities to all our children. It
would be fruitful if we love our children equally while accepting their unique
characteristics and role in our present and future life.
Incoming Search Terms :
Women Empowerment, Boy, Infanticide, Equality
Nice one on the plight of the boy child. This is truly a never ending debate...
ReplyDelete